Murphy Hates Me
by Fighting Against The World
Summary: Naruto's life bites. Murphy's Law has been in control up to now. His life is finally starting to get better but will Murphy leave him alone? AU fic, not to mention my first one ever...
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:** Hey, this is my first fan fic so don't diss, please. I'm a bad writer just look at my English grades. I promised my self I'd start a fan fic as a birthday present for myself so here it is.

**Disclaimer:** If I owned it, why would I be writing this…

**--- --- ****---Chapter One--- --- ---**

Murphy Hates Me.

I once saw in a book a mention of Murphy's Law. Murphy's Law states that everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Want proof? You get me. Naruto Uzumaki. Living proof that if it looks bad it can still get worse.

I'm an orphan, so there's negativity already. My parent's were killed in a car crash bringing me back from the hospital. 10th of October, one day old and I was the star of the news papers, the new-born babe that survived a multi car pile up. Whoo-hoo. It probably was alright then, for little baby me, all the attention and publicity. Only baby me was, well, blatantly a baby! After the original media buzz, I was shunted into foster home after foster home; everyone seemed to think I was jinxed or something. I don't really remember much of them I never stayed long enough to learn everyone's names let alone make friends. 

One of them I do remember, from when I was about 7 I think. One of the millions of carbon copy social workers had brought me to a new family, a really nice looking couple; Anne and Mark Morgan, who had a daughter who was about 10, Andrea. Anne and Mark were really nice they had a little stuffed fox for me as a moving present. The tag on him said 'My name's Kyuubi. Will you be my friend?' they were warm, kind and genuinely happy to have me. Andrea wasn't, apparently no-one had told her about her new 'little brother'. She resented me.

Andrea never showed her hatred of me in front of her parents, instead she would sneak into my room at night and whisper, threats and ghost stories, in my ear. Or hit me when her parents weren't looking, and later when the bruises showed say I'd fallen down the stairs, or tripped in the garden. 

A few months passed like that, with Anne and Mark never noticing their daughter's vicious attacks on me, mental and physical. They loved me, bought me presents, organized family trips for bonding every weekend. I perfected my smile. If you smile it means you're happy, so I smiled remembering Andrea's threats "If you complain they're gonna send you away. I'm gonna make you want to leave!", even with her treatment of me that was the nicest home I'd ever been in and her parents were really kind to me. Kyuubi was my best friend, in and out of school. But in the end it was his fault I had to leave.

"Foxes are sly and mean." She said as I was colouring in a picture of Kyuubi at the kitchen table. I said nothing. "You're just like Kyuubi, you're sly and mean. You're trying to take my parent's away!" I said I wasn't she was just silly, I guess insulting a psycho wasn't the best idea. She jumped on me knocking me off the chair and pinning me to the floor shouting "if you're a fox you need to look like one!!" something flashed, and there was wetness on my cheeks, I started screaming then. Mark ran in and grabbed Andrea off me. Anne saw me, rushed over, grabbed me and took me to the hospital. 

Andrea had used one of her dad's razors to slice into my face in the shape of whiskers. I was sent away again. Anne and Mark thought it best seeing as how Andrea had reacted to me. The social workers asked me if she'd ever attacked me before, and I said nothing thinking of all her threats. Her word against mine. I was 7 so sue me. I was scared. Fear doesn't fade. Like the scars never did.

Years passed. Social workers, homes, schools, family, half friends all blended into one big blur. I was sent to a shrink when I was 13 because they thought it was my fault I couldn't stay with a family. His name was Iruka Umino. He was nice, asked me what I thought on stuff, books, movies, him. His parents had been killed when he was young too, I later found out it was in the same multi car crash I'd been in. He was nice to me; I spent an hour a week with him. After a while I thought of him as my father figure, apparently so did he. He applied for adoption of me when I was 14, when he asked me if I wanted to be adopted by him, I just couldn't believe it. He must of thought I didn't, because he started blushing and muttering about if I didn't he'd cancel the papers. I did the first thing that occurred to me. I hugged him. Well tackle hugged is more accurate seeing as I knocked him off his chair.

In the end it was summer holidays before I moved in with him. Seeing as he was single he wasn't considered a strong family for me, so there was a huge legal battle. But he won, he earned enough to support us, had no criminal record, or history of mental instability and was a respected member of his community. His house was a four bedroomed Georgian house in Roath, Cardiff. In Wales. a.k.a the other side of the country. He had only been working in England temporarily. But seeing as I had no fond memories of England, I didn't care. The only thing I took with me was Kyuubi. I kept him because he had been my best friend when I was young.

Iruka bought me new clothes, shoes and a mobile so I could keep in contact with him all the time. He would have bought me a CD player and CD's too but I had no musical tastes I didn't know any bands very well. We painted my new bedroom (which was a way cool attic room!) blue and white, and got matching duvet sets. The rest of the summer he took me on tours around Cardiff which was a lot bigger than I thought it was. From my lessons in England I thought it was only a mile in diameter. It's huge! And there is a castle in the centre of town which was so cool! There were hundreds of shops of every kind.

But summer doesn't last forever, its September 1st tomorrow. School time. A new school, new people, with new slang, cliques and superficial high school rules, and its GCSE year to boot. I pray to Murphy, please, please, look away and let me enjoy the rest of my life. But who knows, tomorrow's a new start, and Murphy's never listened to me before.

**--- --- ---End of Chapter One--- --- ---**

Urgh, midnight's here. I'm tired. Reviews are the only thing that can convince me to continue this fic. Please review, I'll consider it my birthday present! **Naruto:** Why am I in Wales? **G****oaSR:** Because Wales is cool. That and it's were I live so I can describe it better. **Naruto:** Oh, o.k. **G****oaSR:** You're going to be in my school too! **Naruto:** … … … Murphy you sadistic bastard! **G****oaSR:** Ignore him and review!

PRESS THE LITTLE BLUE BUTTON! (if you do Murphy will send you good karma!)


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** People reviewed, people liked it, and people said it could be better… well I'm still learning, if only I could write this stuff for my coursework…my grades would be so much better…

This chapter is dedicated to TellMeLittleWhiteLies, who said I was crazy for thinking my story sucked. 

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto or my school, but I do own 67 percent of my best friend's soul! Mwahahaha! (Gaara-worthy manic grin) She sold it bit by bit for cookies…

**--- --- ---Chapter Two--- --- ---**

Murphy Hates Me.

**Normal POV**

Sun's shining, birds singing, the day was one of those autumn days that refuses to admit summer was over. It was the perfect day to start on. Naruto had all his uniform, a load of school supplies and Iruka had made a cooked breakfast which Naruto had happily eaten. He found the bus stop no problem; Iruka had decided that if he walked Naruto to the bus stop it would be extremely embarrassing. So during the summer Naruto had learned his bus route by heart.

At the bus stop there were several other kids wearing the same uniform as him, talking, messing about or zoning out with their iPods/mp3s plugged into their ears. Having plenty of experience of arriving in new schools Naruto opted to stay quiet, and observe them. One boy, black haired and eyed was being harassed by nearly every girl at the bus stop. Around him were more boys, all of which were receiving female attention. Standing apart from them were a much smaller group of mixed gender, who by the fact that everyone in the harassed/harassers group ignored them were immediately labelled as outcasts in his mind. 

**Naruto's POV**

The bus journey sucked, I sat on my own near the front and it was as though I didn't exist, no-one paid any attention to me at all! As the new kid I should have been questioned by everyone. Then I realised, these guys have been together for four years they all know each other, I was too new too far into the school system.

Just in case you're wondering, the school I was going to was St Teilo's c/w high School. A Christian school and I was pretty damn sure I wasn't Christian. Iruka said it was the only school with openings, everywhere else was packed or 'a waste of government funding, filled with hooligans and future offenders'. Iruka may have been a mellow guy but he was going to let me go into a trashy school 'over his dead body'.

After getting off the bus, I found the reception pretty quickly and was told to wait for a council member to guide me round. I found myself imagining an old guy in a suit, who would blather on about 'his day' and shuddering at the thought. 

Instead after about ten minutes a girl with black/brown hair in pigtails (seriously! Pigtails! What is this! Primary school!) who looked about ten. She apparently was in my form, a year council member and a school council member, as she so nicely told me. And then said any comments about her height, or appearance would be dealt back tenfold. Then she handed me over to one of the guys from the 'outcast' group at the bus stop apologizing about council meetings or something. Nice start to the year, ignored, implied insulting, and ditched straight away…

**Normal POV**

Naruto was grabbed by the arm and towed after the boy who talked non-stop. "Hi, my name's Kiba, your Naruto right? Your gonna like it here, there are some assholes here but most people are nice." It took about five minutes to tell Kiba that he'd left his bag in reception. Awkward…

After retrieving said bag, Kiba took Naruto to the office to get his new schedule. Then he gave Naruto a basic map of the school in case they got separated. Which they did. At that moment the bell rang and students flooded into the school from what seemed like every direction to Naruto.

He found himself lost in a sea of strange faces and people jostling him, then almost immediately the flood ceased and he found himself alone in the middle of a courtyard. Alone. No Kiba. He looked at Kiba's map and winced. Apparently Kiba had drawn it himself, and Kiba was no artist. The map looked like a spider had fallen into a pot of ink and had had its death throes across the paper.

**Naruto's POV**

I'd love to tell you some one came along befriended me and showed me to my form room. Instead I stood around for a few minutes having a panic attack. My thoughts basically were, 'Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, mega shit! Great now I'm lost. Right, calm down think logically. I need to retrace my steps, okay if I go back down that passage to the picture that looks like lots of faces and go left then I turn right and go down to reception again and tell the receptionist I'm lost.' I walked back down the passage, pleased that I was being so calm about it. Then I got to the end of the passage and saw instead of that weird picture there was a poster about field trips to some place called 'Llangrannog'. By now I was scared and EXTREMELY lost, so I yelled at the first thing that came to mind. "Damn you Murphy!" I didn't expect the voice behind me "Who's Murphy?" 

**Normal POV**

Gaara smirked as the blonde visibly jumped, his sadistic-ness getting the better of him, and waited for him to calm down before asking "New guy?" and felt a twinge of pity as the new boy said yes he'd lost his guide and couldn't find his form room. "What form?" he asked, "Uh, not sure, wait…" Naruto paused and rifled through his bag until he found his schedule and read his form off the top,"10K!" Gaara just about smiled.

"This way." Gaara said monotonously, and turned around. Having no other choice Naruto followed him.

**Naruto's POV**

When that guy spoke right behind me I freaked, I hadn't heard him coming and he'd heard me yell at someone who doesn't exist. Great, by break time everyone in the school would be saying I'm a crazy boy who talks to himself. Brilliant, fabulous, supercalifragilisticexpalidousious! The guy freaked me out a bit on his own. Red hair and I mean really crimson, blue-green eyes thickly lined in black and the guy had no eyebrows! How weird was that! Did he shave them off or something?!?!? But he was taking me to my form room so he wasn't that bad. 

We were walking down a corridor, and he stopped and opened a door for me, I walked in and stopped, everyone was looking at me. There were some of the people from the bus stop, the black haired boy was there, Kiba was and so was the weirdo girl who gave me to Kiba. She was sitting across from Kiba and I think she'd been yelling at him, because he looked miserable, but on seeing me evidently cheered up and he half stood up and shouted "Naruto! Over here!" 

Everyone else stopped looking at me and went back to their conversations; now that someone had established my reason for being here I was of no interest to them. Nice to feel wanted…

**Normal POV**

Naruto walked over to Kiba trying not to stare at people, but turned back around to stare at him. As he sat down he realised they weren't just staring at him, the red headed guy had sat down next to him. "You in this form too?" Naruto asked

"Yes" was the reply. 

"Oh, well my name's Naruto Uzumaki, what's yours?"

"Gaara." Somehow Naruto had got the feeling the conversation was over, turning round he was greeted with Kiba's stare, which freaked him out a bit. 

"Dude, Gaara found you and brought you here! And he talked to you!" Kiba whispered, amazed. "Yeah, I know." Replied Naruto a bit confused by Kiba's behaviour.

"He never talks to anyone unless they're his friend, or he's threatening them! You are officially a member of our group! Coz if Gaara accepts you everyone else will love you! We hang round the upper courtyard at lunch and break, okay?"

**Naruto's POV**

This is great I haven't even had my first lesson yet and I'm already a part of a friendship group. Kiba seems okay and if the rest of that group at the bus stop are all like him this should be fun, I wonder if Gaara really threatens people? He seems okay, doesn't speak much but still, he was nice to me, I'd still be wandering around lost if it wasn't for him.

This year is going to be better, I can feel it, as long as I don't do something stupid like shouting at Murphy in public, this will be all good, believe it!

**--- --- ---End of Chapter Two--- --- ---**

Whoo-hoo! Another chapter finished! And this one didn't take a week! Awesome! And I was in it! Guess who! 10 days to my birthday people! I want reviews! 

**Kiba:** Awesome! Birthday party! Cake! Booze!

**GoaSR:** Booze? You're only 14…

**Kiba:** Um …well…I…

**GoaSR:** Chill out, it's fine. On one condition…

**Kiba:** What?!?!

**GoaSR:** Don't give any to Lee, you know what will happen if you do…

**Kiba:** Aw, but it's funny!

**GoaSR:** NO! NO BOOZE FOR LEE!

PRESS THE LITTLE BLUE BUTTON! It generates energy that authors live off! 


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: **Ole mes amigos! Que pasa? (_Hello my friends! What's happening?_) Not much as you can tell by my creative output. It's been a busy week. Too busy for creative writing time…T-T _sob_ HELP ME! I would seriously like some suggestions on what to do in here. My friend was all for getting Naruto to assassinate the Prime Minister… unfortunately I felt it would not be prudent to do so. Any ideas? I shall wait with baited breath for your advice.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it though I do own a delightful chocolate mousse. D yummy.

**--- --- ---Chapter Three--- --- ---**

Murphy Hates Me.

_D'you know the worst thing about __my Law? Whenever you think I've stopped and you can get on with life I come and bite you in the ass. Repeatedly. I am a sadistic asshole._

After registration (the other kids call it reg) I went with the crazy girl to my first class: English. The black haired boy from the bus stop, you know the one with girls falling over him was there. And I accidentally bumped into him and made him drop his folder. His reaction was small, "Watch where you're going loser." However his groupies seemed to think I'd assaulted him! A pink haired girl grabbed my shirt and shook me like a maraca, "How dare you touch **my** Sasuke!" Fortunately this enraged the others.

"He's mine!"

"Your Sasuke?!?! As if!"

"Aw, hell no!"

"In your dreams bill-board brow!" this prompted pinkie to release me while she scrapped with the others.

I put my bag down at a desk near the back, as far away from their argument as possible. The black haired boy; Sasuke she had called him, had the same idea apparently, though he sat at the opposite side of the table. Scowling he muttered "Dumb fangirls…they need to get a life…" I ducked my head behind my bag so he wouldn't see me snort at his comment.

The teacher walked in and demanded that we sit boy-girl in groups of four. Seeing as me and Sasuke were on the same table that meant I was going to be trapped with the groupies! Grabbing my bag I made for another table, only to be blocked by the crazy girl who shoved me back into my seat and sat next to Sasuke and gestured for a navy haired girl to sit next to me. Then she put her head on the desk and to all appearances went to sleep. Sasuke ignored us all, but he stayed where he was. Maybe he'd rather sit with us than put up with the fangirls.

The fan girls moaned their misery; the two most violent (the pink haired and the girl who'd called her billboard brow) came over. It seems that they weren't giving up without a (second) fight. "Yuki move! I'm sitting next to Sasuke!" the blonde shouted at crazy girl, shoving the other.

"No way Ino-pig! I am!" pinkie yelled shoving Ino back.

"I've already sat here, and I don't plan to move until the end of the lesson. Unless Uchiha moves to an empty table you'll have to survive without him." Crazy gir- I mean Yuki, mumbled from under her bangs.

At that moment the teacher yelled at the girls to sit down or they'd have detention; which is a bit harsh. Groaning and whining they sat down at different tables. "Thanks Yuk'." Sasuke said under his breath, almost too quiet for me to hear. "No problem, you're taking the new boy to Games with you next period." Was the muttered reply.

The lesson went on without any problems. The teacher was too strict to allow any talking, so we copied the syllabus into our books. Sasuke completed his work in silence, Yuki was half asleep and the navy haired girl next to me was really shy. She tried talking once but stuttered so much I didn't understand her. I completed the work faster than I usually do.

When the bell rang, Yuki left without me dragging the shy girl behind her. Rude much, I had no idea where I was meant to go…"Oi, new guy, games now." I jumped as Sasuke spoke behind me.

"Hey! No need to sneak up on me!"

**Normal POV**

Sasuke smirked. The new guy had a short fuse, all the more reason to irritate him. "We have to get to the changing rooms, unless of course you want to run laps around the entire area surrounding the school as a punishment."

"Are you trying and failing to threaten me?" the new guy frowned.

"No."

"Why would I have to run laps as a punishment?"

"Because coach says it'll encourage the blood flow to your brain and help your general learning; though from the looks of you it wouldn't help much." Sasuke turned on his heel and walked off; smirking at the blondes angry "HEY!" this was going to be fun.

**Naruto's POV**

The boy changing room smelled. Not the icky smell of lets say…public toilets, but of sweat and testosterone. It was a thick cloying smell, and it posed disturbing questions like 'Did they clean these during the summer?!?!?!?!' and there were no stalls just benches to leave your clothes on. I didn't mind being laughed at but most of the boys in my class were muscular and I'm lean e.g. no visible muscles whatsoever! And I'm short. Man, Murphy and whatever creates humans are in it together. I'm a freaking walking bully target! Please, PLEASE let there be someone in my class worse than me! I beg you in the name of all that is nice! "**GREETINGS MY YOUTHFUL COMRADES! IS IT NOT A GLOURIOUS DAY FOR PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES**!" a voice bellowed from somewhere near the gym door. There stood a boy wearing…green spandex…orange leg warmers…bowl cut hair…thank you Murphy thank you soooo much. Kiba walked in and dumped his bag "If you say so Lee. But to me it just means you're going to embarrass us all again."

"**How would I embarrass you?**" bowl cut asked, somehow still managing to sound like he was shouting.

"Oh let's see, you will excel at anything we do and then do one of those creepy hug things with Coach." Kiba answered leisurely, while digging in his bag for gym shorts. "Hey Naru' how's it been so far? This is Lee. He's the schools star sports person." Naruto's quiet 'okay' was drowned out by Lee's adamant humility speech. "**Though I am progressing in my training with Coach Gai, may I remind you that Hyuuga, and the Uchiha's can beat me. And you are almost my equal**."

"Aw, cut it out Lee. You're gonna make me blush." Suddenly I noticed everyone else was changed and I was still standing their in my uniform. I quickly stripped off the regulation navy polo shirt and yanked a bright blue sports vest over my head.

**Normal POV**

"**Greetings my youthful students!"** a man bellowed from the door, scaring the shit out of Naruto who unfortunately had his white shorts half on and fell on his ass. Hard. And oh the shame, he yelped, and everyone looked at him. Sitting on the floor with his shorts around his knees; with bright green boxers on. He was pretty sure now that he looked like a idiot. Some one sniggered at the back and then it spread until the entire room was laughing, even Kiba. Beet red with humiliation, he got up and pulled his shorts up properly. "Dude! The look on your face!" Kiba barked, choking on his own laughter.** "Are you okay?"** Lee asked, genuinely concerned. The coach seemed to be working against Murphy's Law and it's never ending attempts to ruin his life. **"Let us youthfully jog to the upper field! On the double! Lift those knees! I want to see air between the floor and your cleats!"** at this order all the boys started filing out the room grumbling, the ridiculous situation already forgotten.

_I__'m smiling. My little plaything is getting more amusing by the day. And always so angry at me, not even aware that he was actually being watched. Maybe more radical steps should be taken. After all, the show must go on._

**--- --- ---End of Chapter T****hree--- --- ---**

MURPHY! GET OUT OF THE STORY!

_No. This is amusing. The blonde one is easy to manipulate._

How did you get in here anyway?

_Your paranoia gave me the strength to break out of your warped mind and manifest in reality._

Oh, well whateva! I still want help with stuff like pairings really coz I just **cannot** pick favourites. There is only one definite pairing in here so far…and I'm not telling you who they are!

_Just review. Sit back. Relax. Wait for her to get off her lazy ass and write something._

If you're from my mind that makes you one of my alter egos…technically it's your lazy ass too.

…_I hate you._

Self loathing makes you an emo. Makes me an emo… help me! I'm beginning to stereotype!


End file.
